Hi! My name is Alishia and I am a KraftaholicMommy!
This morning, I wanted to talk about something that I struggled with for a long time after I truly dedicated my life to Christ.
When I was in my early adult years, I made a lot of huge mistakes. I moved in with a guy, who was abusive, I started doing drugs, I was self harming. I would get into physical altercations with people and not stop until I was knocked out or the other people pulled me off of that person. I was very angry and bitter. I wasn’t a good person in anyway.
When I had my moment of clarity, I was in a Hospice, sleeping on the chair, next to the bed, holding my grandfathers hand. God, spoke to me then. I started getting off the drugs, I was getting back on my feet. I still had not made the jump to be all in with God. I didn’t feel I could be forgiven. I thought that if I did enough good things, if I let certain people in my life beat me up (emotionally) enough, I could earn God’s forgiveness. I didn’t feel worthy of even being able to talk to him.
I was hopeless, helpless, and above all, I wasn’t leaning on Him like I knew I should. Then, one night, I was having it rough. I was hurting, I wanted to make everything in my head stop, I was in a dark place, I was also in the middle of some pretty nasty withdrawals. I got up out of bed to take a shower, that is when it hit me. Like this rush of hope just flooded my entire being. God let me know in that exact moment, that He was never the one to call me unworthy, he was never the one to say that I was unforgivable. I wanted to argue, I made a point to think about every horrible thing I had done in the last four years. I asked God if he could forgive me knowing that I did all of those things. His response, wasn’t words, it was just this amazing sense of love and understanding. God let me know that I was the judge on all those feelings, I allowed myself to believe those things. I am forgivable, all I have to do is repent.
I rushed to get out of that shower, before I knew it was dressed, still pretty soaked from the shower and running in my grandmothers room. I was living with her while she adjusted to the loss of my grandfather. She tells people all the time that I helped her, I don’t think she will ever know just how much she helped me. Especially, that night that I barged in her room telling her that I needed her to pray for me and with me. That night I rededicated my life to Christ. I gave him every ounce of the load I had been carry all these years. I felt the relief and I knew that I was forgiven.
No matter the sin, you are still forgivable. All you have to do is acknowledge it and repent for it and God promises us that we are forgiven and that he will never bring that back against us. How incredible is that? Now, he doesn’t say that we wont face consequences for those sins, we still have to deal with consequences. The only difference is we won’t be facing the harshest of consequences, God will show us mercy.
I know it is so hard to believe that someone that was so horrible to could be forgiven. I still have problems with thinking back to those days and remembering some of those horrible things. I used to ask God if he was sure that he wanted to forgive me. Then I read and re-read the book of Acts. God was able to forgive Paul for all that he had done and not only did he forgive him, he made Paul an apostle. Jesus, came to Paul and showed him mercy and love. He forgave him for hunting and persecuting the church. Paul turned his whole life around. He began teaching and eventually died for Jesus and our Heavenly Father.
How about the thief on the cross? Jesus told him that on that day, he would be seeing him in paradise. That tells me some pretty big things! God can forgive anyone and he still loves us even after the things that we do.
I don’t know about you, but knowing that, gives me such peace and joy. Knowing that I am loved unconditionally, truly unconditionally, is comforting. Knowing that I serve a God that is always willing to pull that demon of self doubt and self loathing off my shoulders is comforting.
If you are reading this and you want to know the Lord, email me, comment on here, get in touch with me, I will be there for you to pray that prayer of salvation and welcome you into the loving arms of being a brother or sister in Christ! I am here for each and every person here. I will happily talk with you about Jesus. I will read you his Word if you don’t have it. I will send you his Word.
Thank you so much for stopping by today, I hope you enjoyed today’s post. If you did, let me know by giving this a like, comment, and share so others can join the fun as well. Thank you so much for all of your support! I greatly appreciate it!!!! Until next time,